It's New Years Eve

I normally don't make new years resolutions.. but i don't think it would hurt to have a few goals placed for myself to work for. after all.. there's not much i work for. period. so let's think. i'm pretty much happy with how i live my life (it seems i'm much more positive than the average person now) and the things i have, i'm lucky and thankful for. so what will it be? grades have never mattered much to me, but i could still push myself harder in school. i don't think that'd be very hard considering i only have two academic classes. so resolution #1: put more effort into schoolwork. let's see how long that holds up. what's next. i'm going to be turning 18 this year, as are most of my friends. as exciting as that sounds (or not), i see more responsibility than freedom. living with my mom, freedom is only through the works of ninja skills (if that makes sense to any of you). i first started feeling responsible when i got my debit card + an allowance. clearly i was being handed more money than i was needed so i began saving (yes! go savings!). so i guess i'm hoping to have a sturdy amount of money in my savings account for.. the future. i can practice spending less money on unneeded things, which i've gotten pretty good at i believe. resolution #2: keep the savings going! third subject. i must say this is the first time (year) in my life where i've had friendship problems that i couldn't do anything about. this has bothered me for a while now, but i've now learned to somewhat cope and take my steps slower as needed. i found a flaw in my character; that is i'm not as aware of my relationships with many of my close friends as i should be. i should never have just one person put before all my other friends, i need to find an equal amount of time to spend with those i love. so i believe this is resolution #3: not boyfriend before friends, not friends before boyfriend. oh speaking of boyfriend, i know there's something i can improve in this area. how are things between us? good. how am i doing? how should i know. i feel much more comfortable around him now than ever before; things are growing together and settling. i won't be bothered by my past anymore. i feel safe. i'm not in the mood to rush into things (.. certain things), as long as we can chill and stay happy, that'd be all i need for now. so the next one would be resolution #4: start anew, keep it simple, happy. i think, for now, those would be all the pinpoints. of course, there's the list of little notes on the side.

#5. keep up the artwork
#6. lose weight
#7. get into a good college

yadayadayada you know the rest.

i hope everyone is or will be having a fun newyearseve. on a scale of one to ten (one - terrible), i'd rate this year and overall eight. yes, i'm a positive person and there's my positive opinion. i really did enjoy this year, through the many good days and some bad. but the bad is gone and the good is a memory and now i'm just waiting for more. thanks to everybody who made this year a good one.


yay! now there's going to be a January under the archive!

Where's The Limit?

Things seem unorganized. maybe it's just because it's break and there's no school (WHOAA); maybe it's because my dad's home and that's just always weird (sadly). i'm not sure where i'm trying to get at with this topic, but i feel like there have been new rules set in my life and they were established without me knowing. i don't know what limits there are and there's no way of finding out without crossing them first, which is dangerous. this has never happened to me before. throughout my life, i've always had a sense of control over what's happened, what's happening and what will happen. too much control isn't good for you according to the paper i wrote for lit. and now it seems as if everything from now till my first year in college will just be one long-ass ride; going fast at times and slow. i'm gonna need the slow.. college has always sounded so far away to us but we're second semester seniors now and it's so close. hah shit i don't even want to know what's gonna happen to me when i graduate. what college am i suppose to go to, i have not a freaking clue. that's so scary. but as for everything changing now, i guess it could be a good thing that it came so much earlier than i expected. the hardest part for me when we graduate is the fact that i know some people, i will never see again. or hardly. and those i hold closest to me, i will have to hold on to even tighter because i never want to let them go. i'm attached to my friends like no other; i need them. these new rules are here to train me and i swear i'll listen. the picture above was taken at.. Lakeside? Mountain View. My family went there for a walk on christmas morning, it was very nice.

second note: i really hate my dreams now. ever since the first time i mentioned my very vivid, nightmare-ish dreams, i've been having more. i'm scared to fall asleep now cause i don't want another freakyass dream. somebody help me.

Changes

"Watch this coward dance
I keep my feet so close to the ground
With every step, without a sound
Mother, look away
I don’t know who I’ve become
Since that November day
When I said I wouldn’t change
Maybe I can’t be surprised…

Take my hands
I can twist out lines for every situation
All I have
Is a heart that’s trained to calculate my losses in the end"
-Daphne Loves Derby: That's Our Hero Shot

you gain and you lose.

It's Christmas Eve

HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVE EVERYONE. do you like my gingerbread man? i told my mom to give him a beard but she just gave him a white smile instead. he's wearing mittens, socks, and buttons with no shirt. so today, chau, uly, and i went to safeway to buy ingredients for chau's RedVelvetCake. it was more like bread with cheesy frosting but it was pretty good. I woke up this morning intending to build myself a miniature christmas tree and make mini ornaments to hang on it, but we went to Joann's Arts&Crafts and i decided that it was too complicated and i didn't want to spend so much money. instead, we got ready-cut cookie dough (it came in shapes of snowmen, trees, and stockings). but faggity safeway sold us packs of frosting already opened on the inside so.. anyway. chau's red velvet cake really was VERY RED. very very red. the cake part basically tasted like bread but the frosting was YUM-O. next on the cooking list for this break would be: Pasta & SushiArt. whoohoo!
So how was everybody's dinner? Mine was asian; chinese, to be specific. i hate how excited my dad gets over his own cooking everytime he comes home. his favorite dish today happened to have chicken (not surprised) and he was so proud of it he decided to make my vegetarian brother take a big whiff of it and was like "oh look what you're missing out on!!" gay.

well i'm too lazy to blog more right now.
24hrs of A Christmas Story on TBS tomorrow, watch it.
talktoyoulater

Take Me Away

i feel like traveling. actually i always do.. i wish there were more metros or subways around here. sad how the closest one is a twenty minute drive away. i've always said if one day, i'm really bored, i would just go to bart and make a stop at every station (but think of the cost..) and just walk around. lol pointless but whatever; it's not like there's anything else here to do. i imagine myself in college without a car. depending on the city of course, but if it calls for NO CAR, then so be it. i'll have fun riding the subway around. i miss taiwan and how the metro got you just about everywhere. i even have money left in my card (swipe!) so anybody going to taiwan, hit me up and we'll travel taipei. wow i really miss taiwan. i'm so mad i can't go this break or anytime soon even. maybe i will go during summer, if it doesn't interfere with a senior trip. speaking of senior trips.. what to do. things are so different but in a comfortable way at least. it seems like closeness isn't really so close anymore. in certain places, not all. there's still a handful of people that i feel like i can be safe being close to now, i think you know who you are. since YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON THAT READS THIS. anyway. we'll just have to see. back to the subject of traveling. it is officially christmas break (or holiday break for you non-religious folks, including myself). i am determined to make another trip to san francisco and one to macarthur (to visit william's brand new apartment!). if you wanna hop on the BART with me, please do say so. the picture above was taken at the Powell St. station in sanfran. i like the colors of it, don't you?

Winter Ball was pretty chill. i'm upset with the DJ but i think i've made that pretty clear to just about everybody =) limo was great, the food i barely ate was nice, and decathlon wasn't bad but i'd have to say the date was the best<3
so good.

"Don't worry or fret,
what you hear is temporary.
Soon you'll be free.
Your prayers are so shallow,
greedy and dull, you never will learn
the price you pay for a painless fall.
And still i hope to see you well,
but soon you'll make the same mistakes
again."
-Desperado Revenge: You Never Would

peace.

Release Me

" If you get next to me and help me find simplicity
then you could be the one to take me,
to break me and find my soul
...
Could you be the one to release me?
oh, release me
Waiting for your love
oh to free me, so release me

so take off your shoes and stay awhile
this might be the right time tonight
If it makes you feel good
then it makes me feel alright."
-Mae: Release Me

i wonder if
you know how
damn addicting you are..

Cookies, Finals, and Nightmares (oh my!)

Look at those cookies. they belong on the foodnetwork or in a cooking magazine. okay no, that's just the works of the camera =) yes. i've been baking quite a bit lately, thanks to free tubs of cookie dough from the cheerleading cousin. these are surprisingly delicious, especially when dipped in milk. i feel like getting lots of cooking done this break.. along with other things. oh break, that will be for the end of this blog.

it's second day of finals, although it was only the first for me. Econ was easy, honestly i believe Chiang just took questions from all his old tests and stuck them together. I'm gonna miss that class; maybe i'll transfer to him for gov second semester. tomorrow is my lit final, it was a bitch finding quotes. i don't get how some people said it was so easy. it wasn't, for me. i've been sitting on this chair since 1oclock (the clock tells me it's 6:17PM right now) looking through the book and notes. faggity. I finally finished about 5 minutes ago, and my first thought was to write a blog. right now i've decided i don't give a damn what happens in the discussion tomorrow. i. don't. care.

lately, i've been having a lot of very vivid dreams. and all somewhat nightmare-ish. i don't think it's trying to tell me anything, but i don't get why it's been happening. maybe my minds just gotten bored and went "let's freak her out when she can't help it." i'm attacking myself; horrible.

break is coming. jolly good joy. let's make it into a list.
christmas break checklist:
- Ramen
- MarioSunshine (again)
- Benihanas
- Pasta/Ravioli
- Oakland/MacArthur (19th St.)
- ChristmasTreePictures
- SantaHats
- SushiArt(?)
- Video
- Illustrator(Portfolio)Works
- Diana+(Camera)
- PhotoStudioSupplies
- take lots of pictures..

The Blog That Makes You Wanna Shop

christmas is approaching

and since everybody else has one of these, i guess i'll post one too. esp since i seem to want a little bit of everything.
let's organize them by.. random.
(ps. most items are overpriced :D)

- LCA+ camera: $250.00
- Lomography Oktomat camera: $40.00
- Diana+ camera: $50.00
- Canon RebelXT camera: ~$599.99
- DomoKun USB Flash Drive: $60.00
- Zune by Nylon: $250.00
- LOVE tee: $24.00
- Global Warming tee: $19.00
- Save The Trees tee: $14.99 (too bad they don't have my size.)
- Deux Lux Ex Elle Satchel: $58.00

- Unisex Poplin Neck Tie: $18.00 (black.)

- Unisex Solib Rib Vest: $36.00 (black/navy)
- Tri-Blend Rib Lightweight Raglan Pullover: $34.00 (Athletic Grey/Tri-Indigo)
- Unisex Acrylic Striped Scarf: $28.00 (Navy+Red)
- Fine Jersey Scarf: $16.00 (Heather Grey Striped)
- Tank Theory Revolution tee: $34.00
- English Rose Red Plaid Woven: $74.00
- English Rose Plaid Inset Vest: $96.00
- Goodie Two Sleeves U Can't Touch This Coin Purse: $14.00 (YEHHH..)

told you i could shop.
okay, so they actually got organized according to store(site), mostly.
and fyi, don't take this list seriously. 98.5% of the items on this list are much too overpriced for their own good. but all in all that was very fun.

My Greatest Fear

"If I find my way through the darkest of days,
Will I laugh about the things that kept me awake?
But if my greatest fear paints itself so crystal clear,
Will I run away or will I hide?

And if I don't come home tonight,
Just know I tried my best to fight.
Please don't think I plan to lose to the night.
And curse the moon so dull and bright,
My heavy soul can't stand the light.
It burns me straight to the bones, my bones"
-Daphne Loves Derby: Cue The Sun!

what do i fear?
being a hypocrite
being nothing but a doormat
unsuccessful careers
becoming poor
failing
nothing to show for the work i've done
not having done any work at all

... hm

not being able to change myself for what i really want to be.

Dress, Shoes, and a Debit Card

Went shopping Tuesday with CHAU<3 went and spent $160 off my debitcard, even though i told myself that i would use it strictly for gas and emergencies only. oh well, i plan to save until i get the money back. got my shoes, dress, and satisfaction. although i believe there may be a number of girls with the same dress as me. that blows low.

winterball checklist:
-blue dress
-shoes
-nails (salon or no salon?)
-guest form/bids
-limo
-BucaDiBeppo
-my<3

am i missing anything?

The Spring Rolls and A Self Evaluation

Vietnamese Burrito?
Chicken filling:
26 ounces skinned, boneless chicken breasts
5 tablespoons soy sauce
2 tablespoons hoisin sauce
2 tablespoons honey
1 tablespoon sugar
4 cloves garlic, minced
2 stalks lemongrass, minced
1/2 cup soybean oil
1 tablespoon sesame seed oil
Fresh black pepper

Wrapping mixture:
10 large rice paper wrappers
1 package rice noodles, soaked in warm water until softened and drained
1 head romaine lettuce, cut into 3/4-inch lengths
1 cucumber, peeled, seeded and cut into thin strips
1/2 cup pickled daikon, chopped
3 carrots, peeled and sliced thinly
2 cups bean sprouts
1 bunch basil, cleaned and leaves picked
1 bunch mint , cleaned and leaves picked
1/2 bunch parsley, cleaned and leaves picked

left out a few ingredients, unsuccessful in rolling rice wrappers, and we fail.
but they were still edible :) and that's ALL you need. Added more peanut butter to the (store bought) peanut sauce mix. clearly, peanut butterr solves all problems.

"Please
Tell me how you lift these heavy bricks
And how you built this path for me to walk on
You carve yourself in stones
With the strength of all convinced
But I know your skin
Is still as thin as mine"
-Daphne Loves Derby: Sunday

on my second note: so. i'm at this point in my life where i'm basically throwing my past away and starting again. In certain areas, not all (although all areas have been affected). i never realized how unhappy i was with my previous relationship. no, i wasn't unhappy, i was numb. everything was a routine and nothing meant anything to me. of course, i didn't realize that until the end. isn't that pathetic? and now i have something new, it's shown me so many of the simple things i was missing. what's sad is even if i try to leave my past, it's always following me around somewhere. i've become so cautious of everything i do; i don't wanna mess it up. obviously, some things about me are always gonna be the same. i thought i could and did change but i guess i haven't. i hope that's okay. all i know is now i'm happy. would you evaluate me?

weekend/weekday checklist:
-AmericanApparel
-SpringRolls
-SushiArt
-Reading
-Restock on Advil

as for saving the earth.. i'm working on it.

Good Evening Stomach Ache

yeah...
god that was the most UNCOMFORTABLE hour and a half of my life. fucking creme brulee that i've been patiently waiting for all week. actually, i don't even think that was the problem. apology made out to my dearest for we did not get our time for Sushi Art :( i'll make it up to you. i'm so glad i had him around, good care-taker. good radio-host. good everything.

this day was very.. strange. i woke up so late and went caroling for cans in cold. while the rest of me wasn't that cold, the temperature in my hands must've dropped 5 degrees. cold and too numb to be uncomfortable. it was already five o'clock when i finally got some food (or rather, dessert) in my mouth and for the next hour after that felt like a complete agonizing dream. bundled up on the sofa with a jacket, scarf, blanket, and still cold. my face turned 'dark green' according to my mom. sickening. but ah.. much better now :)

"See the stars and all the planets
Fly the great wide world and have it all
Yeah better get a ticket better get in line
I'm praying now for beautiful weather
Take a car and drive forever but I'm
Only ever sitting at the traffic light
And all the world to see is too much
Sometimes for me
Good morning baby
I hope I'm gonna make it through another day."
-Bic Runga: Good Morning Baby

weekend checklist:
-AmericanApparel
-SpringRolls
-SushiArt
-Reading
-SaveTheEarth
-Restock on Advil

i have lots to do. better get to it.
i need topics to discuss in these blogs.

Good Morning Headache

yeah.
i woke up with a huge headache this morning, it was like POUNDING. but it's all good i got my midnight visit :) oh the adorable wonders that could come from a hidden CD

"Let it snow, let it snow
Hey, its another christmas holiday
Its a joyous thing let the angels sing
Cause we're together
We got a thing cant let it slip away"
-BoyzIIMen: Let it Snow

I LOVE IT.

second note
i havent been putting much thought into my art lately. discovered the easy side of Illustrator and just been playing around with it. Don't know if my stuff is good enough for portfolios, but, as my life is, it's chilllll. doesn't seem like finals are coming up at all, but i can defintely feel the holiday break coming YES. nobody better be leaving me during this break. i won't be getting my trip to taiwan =( oh well! i expect lots of BONDING time this break. you read this? BONDING, butterr. and others ;)

SushiArt today? chyeah.

hello blogworld

Don't question the ERRfly.

"But I saw you up there.
Still floating by the river.
God you always loved that river.
I bet your heaven looks just like it.
Then I'll like it too, even though it scares me now when I'm alone, but when I'm with you,
I'll be just fine, I'll be just fine
We can sit,
we talk about,
talk about.
Butterflies."
- Meg&Dia: Yellow Butterfly

i find too much depression in this world, so i toast to the good life :)
join me.

weekend checklist:
-AmericanApparel
-SpringRolls
-SushiArt
-Reading
-SaveTheEarth

i want to make a new friendship bracelet, but they're so complicated to make.
who wants to embark on this challenge with me??