"Take me out tonight
Where there's music and there's people
And they're young and alive
Driving in your car
I never never want to go home
Because I haven't got one
Anymore"
- The Smiths

More than ever now i can feel changes in my life.
the school year is ending and next year will be my third year in college, high school seems so close that i still think back to what we did over the weekends as if it were just last month. this summer will probably be the last to feel a real summer vacation; to feel like a kid again. make the best of it.

Sometimes it's only when i'm with you that i can feel both of who i used to be and who i'm becoming. this is what keeps me stable and helps me remember myself, where i'm going and what's brought me here.
this will be our fourth summer spent together and i still remember our first. riding in your car, not thinking of where we were headed but only enjoying some sense of escape and living at the moment. and i still feel it.
don't bring me back to reality just yet.

"Don't speak now, you just drive, drive, drive
Drive, speed me through, make me feel alive
Alive when I ride with you.
Rain falling from concrete colored skies."
- Bic Runga

If You Ask Me..

I was wondering maybe
"This is exactly how it should feel when it's meant to be"

How Lucky Am I?

Honestly.
I've lived my life without an ounce of misery that could compare to what others have been through. i felt i've suffered but was it really suffering or just me being too weak? that's all it ever is though, isn't it? when things go bad, there's always a way to make it right, or to make it feel better. and when things get worse, there will always be a way to make it feel better. that's always been my point of view.

i'm not the type to complain, or at least i try not to. but whenever i look back at something i've done, i can't believe how much i really do complain, and about nothing at all. i'm one of the luckiest people i know and it might sound either cocky of unbelievable because nobody ever says that they're lucky compared to others. they always make themselves believe there life has sunk down to the lowest that it can't get any lower. they always go "fuck my life" or "my life sucks" and this is the reason i'm careful not to let those words slip out of my mouth because truthfully, i know life treats me well.

so how lucky am i? i have a boyfriend who loves me, great friends, great family and i think i can see future within reach now. so why is it that i doubt so many things in my head. why do i always expect more when i know it's all unnecessary. maybe that's how everyone else really is, maybe it's in everyone's heads.

Good Times Rolll

BOMBass weekend it was so much funnn. but now i miss everyone =(
santa monica. irvine. laguna. shopping. eating. piercing. baking.
such satisfactionn

i wanna make truffles.. and pasta and snickerdoodles!

If I Could Change The World..

lately things have been feeling different, even though i've been around my old friends and hometown more. i don't understand? i guess i've just been too happy to be home that i'm not used to it.

if i could change the world..
i would make life one steady road, so that we wouldn't have to experience change and feel hurt when we think back to happier memories.
pardon my emo-ness.

Not So Summery

The weather this summer blows. It's not even hot! It's morning right now and cloudy outside, it couldn't all be because of the wildfires, could it? And I thought it was called global warming.

My apartment situation down in LA is almost settled. I'll be living with two complete strangers and one girl I've just met about two months ago; all four of us squeezed into a two bedroom apartment less than 900sqft big. I hope nothing gets awkward. I'm gonna miss all the people who I know I will rarely or never see again. I'm gonna miss my mom. I'm gonna miss pebbles. I'm gonna miss this small city I've gotten to know so well. The fact that my move-in day is less than a month away and I haven't seen as many faces as I wanted to this summer, I wonder if I'll be missed too.

Life With and Without

you're always so close and yet so far. you've been the closest to me for the longest time but you don't know how hard it is for me to get through to you or to you at all. you hold back so much and even though you say you could open up to me like you never could with others, as soon as you feel insecure about having me around you shut me out immediately. I know it's not your fault that you have to, i know it's easier this way for you so you don't have to feel hurt. I may be the same if i were in your place. but i don't wanna be shut out like that. i've tried, you've seen me try. i'm sorry i'm leaving, believe me i was excited when i thought i might be sticking around and we could still be close, but it's possible to be close and live far apart too. let me try. i don't wanna have to spend our last few months hanging out knowing we're just going to say goodbye.

i loved you, i loved taking care of you and you taking care of me. i loved how close we were and how comfortable we could be. i loved that we always went to look for each other at lunchtime and we could just sit and eat and that would be all. i loved taking random walks with you just so we could talk about anything and everything that bothered us. i didn't know that i didn't try hard enough, i can't even remember what had happened. things fell apart real quick and it seems a little late to patch them up, but we never know. you told me once that a girl and a guy could never stay best friends after highschool, and i didn't believe you. i didn't picture ourselves as a different type of "best friends", i didn't see different gender or different levels. we were equal and so good at it. when i talk to you now i don't know if i see something different in you, or maybe something different in me, or maybe we're just not used to each other anymore. but i wish things were different, because i miss it all. if you ever need me, i'll still be here and i'll try hard to be the same as before.


i've been feeling pretty hopeless lately. it feels as if college is racing towards me and all i can do now is wait. wait to see what happens, where it takes me, or what it takes away from me. i should stay strong, i need to rebuild.

Forgotten.

and left behind.

Yakisoba is Taking Over My Life.

i mean that literally, but i bet i can squeeze an analogy in it. i was introduced to this delightfully easy-to-make, not-quite-ramen-but-just-as-good dish about a month and a half ago, however it wasn't until recently that i've become obsessed with it more than i am with harim's korean ramen (s.ko only). $1.99 for three packets. three packets = three meals. now, unless you intend to eat more than one pack per meal, i would say two dollars for three meals is a very good deal. fry an egg (sunny-side up preferably) to put ontop and i'm satisfied. it's so simple, and so good. that's all i need, really.

so here's my analogy, i told you i could make it happen. afterall, yakisoba is the miracle food. my life has finally began to resettle. and although there isn't much, i have all i really need. i have found my happiness in some very important people, a pet, and my growing love for my hobbies. i have a bffl<3 we know it, others know it (they better know it) and although i don't show enough appreciation and love i hope she'll know it's always there. i really do love hanging out with this girl, she's really the only one who could make me laugh till my muscles are in pain. and when she's doing something so stupid i know she can't do in front of anyone else but me, that shows a lot<3 our love for cooking, arts and crafts, photography, uno and jenga is all we need to keep ourselves entertained for hours. then there are times when we just walk (or drive) around telling each other whatever it is that needs to be let out, that feels really good. i hope that for life we'll stay as close as ever that even our dogs will grow old together. how romantic.

i got something very unexpected this summer. it's still kinda crazy when i think about it, never would've guessed anything would happen between us. i meet this random Asian Guy at the billiards one who later i found out was one of Those Asian Guys (oh, one of them). we're only acquainted every once in a while for almost two years and suddenly we're hanging out almost every day. how nice =) who knew how good he'd be for me. when before we never bothered to say anymore than hello and how are yous. it feels like he's everything i wanted that i never really had before. i hope i deserve this.

so there's how yakisoba is taking over my life. but i'm okay with it because it tastes good.
it's late. i'm tired.
goodnight.

First of 2008

"Lately I've been hoping you can stay with me,
And I could hold you close 'til the end of time, yeah.
Maybe someday we will grab some change and run away,
but for now I'll learn to say goodbye."
-Daphne Loves Derby: Simple, Starving To Be Safe

♥♥♥

i believe i have quoted too many of their songs. but its only because they have lyrics worth quoting.
new January archive. my collection is growing!!

Release Me

" If you get next to me and help me find simplicity
then you could be the one to take me,
to break me and find my soul
...
Could you be the one to release me?
oh, release me
Waiting for your love
oh to free me, so release me

so take off your shoes and stay awhile
this might be the right time tonight
If it makes you feel good
then it makes me feel alright."
-Mae: Release Me

i wonder if
you know how
damn addicting you are..

The Spring Rolls and A Self Evaluation

Vietnamese Burrito?
Chicken filling:
26 ounces skinned, boneless chicken breasts
5 tablespoons soy sauce
2 tablespoons hoisin sauce
2 tablespoons honey
1 tablespoon sugar
4 cloves garlic, minced
2 stalks lemongrass, minced
1/2 cup soybean oil
1 tablespoon sesame seed oil
Fresh black pepper

Wrapping mixture:
10 large rice paper wrappers
1 package rice noodles, soaked in warm water until softened and drained
1 head romaine lettuce, cut into 3/4-inch lengths
1 cucumber, peeled, seeded and cut into thin strips
1/2 cup pickled daikon, chopped
3 carrots, peeled and sliced thinly
2 cups bean sprouts
1 bunch basil, cleaned and leaves picked
1 bunch mint , cleaned and leaves picked
1/2 bunch parsley, cleaned and leaves picked

left out a few ingredients, unsuccessful in rolling rice wrappers, and we fail.
but they were still edible :) and that's ALL you need. Added more peanut butter to the (store bought) peanut sauce mix. clearly, peanut butterr solves all problems.

"Please
Tell me how you lift these heavy bricks
And how you built this path for me to walk on
You carve yourself in stones
With the strength of all convinced
But I know your skin
Is still as thin as mine"
-Daphne Loves Derby: Sunday

on my second note: so. i'm at this point in my life where i'm basically throwing my past away and starting again. In certain areas, not all (although all areas have been affected). i never realized how unhappy i was with my previous relationship. no, i wasn't unhappy, i was numb. everything was a routine and nothing meant anything to me. of course, i didn't realize that until the end. isn't that pathetic? and now i have something new, it's shown me so many of the simple things i was missing. what's sad is even if i try to leave my past, it's always following me around somewhere. i've become so cautious of everything i do; i don't wanna mess it up. obviously, some things about me are always gonna be the same. i thought i could and did change but i guess i haven't. i hope that's okay. all i know is now i'm happy. would you evaluate me?

weekend/weekday checklist:
-AmericanApparel
-SpringRolls
-SushiArt
-Reading
-Restock on Advil

as for saving the earth.. i'm working on it.

Good Evening Stomach Ache

yeah...
god that was the most UNCOMFORTABLE hour and a half of my life. fucking creme brulee that i've been patiently waiting for all week. actually, i don't even think that was the problem. apology made out to my dearest for we did not get our time for Sushi Art :( i'll make it up to you. i'm so glad i had him around, good care-taker. good radio-host. good everything.

this day was very.. strange. i woke up so late and went caroling for cans in cold. while the rest of me wasn't that cold, the temperature in my hands must've dropped 5 degrees. cold and too numb to be uncomfortable. it was already five o'clock when i finally got some food (or rather, dessert) in my mouth and for the next hour after that felt like a complete agonizing dream. bundled up on the sofa with a jacket, scarf, blanket, and still cold. my face turned 'dark green' according to my mom. sickening. but ah.. much better now :)

"See the stars and all the planets
Fly the great wide world and have it all
Yeah better get a ticket better get in line
I'm praying now for beautiful weather
Take a car and drive forever but I'm
Only ever sitting at the traffic light
And all the world to see is too much
Sometimes for me
Good morning baby
I hope I'm gonna make it through another day."
-Bic Runga: Good Morning Baby

weekend checklist:
-AmericanApparel
-SpringRolls
-SushiArt
-Reading
-SaveTheEarth
-Restock on Advil

i have lots to do. better get to it.
i need topics to discuss in these blogs.

Good Morning Headache

yeah.
i woke up with a huge headache this morning, it was like POUNDING. but it's all good i got my midnight visit :) oh the adorable wonders that could come from a hidden CD

"Let it snow, let it snow
Hey, its another christmas holiday
Its a joyous thing let the angels sing
Cause we're together
We got a thing cant let it slip away"
-BoyzIIMen: Let it Snow

I LOVE IT.

second note
i havent been putting much thought into my art lately. discovered the easy side of Illustrator and just been playing around with it. Don't know if my stuff is good enough for portfolios, but, as my life is, it's chilllll. doesn't seem like finals are coming up at all, but i can defintely feel the holiday break coming YES. nobody better be leaving me during this break. i won't be getting my trip to taiwan =( oh well! i expect lots of BONDING time this break. you read this? BONDING, butterr. and others ;)

SushiArt today? chyeah.